"Good evening! It's wonderful to be back with you again, isn't it, Ronnie?"
"Indeed it is. And in a packed programme tonight, I shall be talking to a stereo expert about his favorite breakfast -- Two bowls of Rice Krispies ten feet apart."
"We'll have a review of the new  Danish sex whodunnit. Apparently, the butler was the only one who didn't do it. "
"Then we'll discuss government ministries. Are there too many?
We'll be hearing from the Minister of Steak and Kidney Pudding.
But first, the news:
After three years of hard work, Irish intelligence experts today cracked Britainís highway code."
"Ethyl Wainwright, the station announcer at Victoria, today married engine driver Dick Crankshaw, her dress was a white organdy with lace bodice, and her train was twenty minutes late."
"A car mounted the curb outside Mrs. Mary Whitehouseís home this evening, so she threw a bucket of water over it."
"Weíve just heard that a cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals."
"And weíve heard from a very disappointed guest at the Charles Dickens Societyís annual nudist weekend. He had Great Expectations, but it was a very Bleak House and everybody laughed at his Little Dorritt."
 
"The Prime Minister gave some interesting figures on education today. In the greater London area, one half of the people canít read, one half canít write, and the other three quarters canít add up."
"The Ministry of Defense have announced new pay scales for the army, heavily favoring the NCOís. Said a new recruit, 'Itís all very well for the sergeants and the corporals, but itís a nasty blow to the privates.'"
"Sacked door to door salesman Bristow Saunders took his case to an industrial tribunal today, but they all lay on the floor and pretended to be out."
"And now a sketch about ice hockey, in which Mister Ronnie Corbett stars as Puck."

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